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10 Ways to Walk Away from Depression

This is Part 2 in a series on depression in creatives.

Part 1: 10 Signs of Walking Depression
Part 3: When Medication Isn’t Enough: Rethinking Depression with Eric Maisel

When you have walking depression, it’s possible to hide it from your family and friends, your boss, your kids.

Even from yourself.

You forget what it’s like to wake with a sense of sunshine, to laugh from your belly, to grin at the thought of tomorrow. Or you never knew what that felt like in the first place.

And you convince yourself that things are not so bad, you’re managing. If you can just get through this next rough patch, you’ll be okay. You see people around you suffering more and you scold yourself to count your blessings.

Until one day you turn the corner and come face to face with the truth. A friend shares her own struggles. You read a memoir like Lit or Eat Pray Love or The Water Will Hold You. You come across a website like In Good Company. Maybe, like me, you drink a glass of wine and realize that it’s been a long time since you felt this good. And you can’t deny it any longer.

You are deeply unhappy and it’s affecting your whole life.

And without your ongoing denial, coping with your unhappiness just got harder.

So you face a decision.

Will you do something about your unhappiness, or will you allow it to continue?

I don’t blame you if you turn away and put your head down, keep trudging. Doing something takes hope and courage and energy and self-love ~ the very things that depression has stolen from you. You may need to bide your time until action is possible again.

But when you are ready to do something, there are many ways to walk away from depression.

Before I share those ways, a brief note on the nature of depression. Some conceptualize it as an illness, a state caused by hormonal imbalance, some deficiency of the brain, a tendency passed down in the genes. Others, like Eric Maisel in his book Rethinking Depression, see it as the emotion of profound unhappiness, “a normal reaction to unpleasant facts and circumstances.”

Which definition is true? Which is more helpful? These are interesting questions, and I’ll get into them further as part of Eric’s book tour post here on April 1. But for now, I’ll tell you the premise I’m working from.

I believe that the physical and emotional aspects of depression create a kind of chicken-and-egg dynamic that is hard to untangle. Bottom line, I think it is essential to address the existential questions that underlie depression: What’s the meaning of my life? Am I doing what I was made to do? Does my daily experience reflect what is most important to me?

Treating just the physical symptoms still leaves us open to depression creeping in through our thoughts and feelings. As Eric writes in Rethinking Depression, “Even if you believe that there is a “mental disorder” called “depression” and that certain treatments work to minimize it or “cure” it, you must agree that you will not have cured life once you have cured your depression.”

Answering those existential questions is not easy. In fact, it can be disorienting, scary, and exhausting. But I believe it is rewarding and necessary for our long-term happiness.

Alright, enough preamble. Let’s get to the good stuff.

10 ways to walk away from depression

The first 5 ways I list here are about accepting reality, the “things we cannot change” mentioned in that old saw, the Serenity Prayer. These are often our first steps away from depression. Please remember that I’m not saying any of these things are easy or overnight cure-alls. But they are a place to start.

Rest. Take the day off. Take a week off. Call a babysitter. Go on vacation. Go to bed at 9 pm and sleep in. Take a sleeping pill. Whatever you need to do to get some rest. Then find ways to make proper rest a regular thing instead of just an emergency measure.

Make use of medication and other physical treatments. Antidepressants, light therapy, exercise, diet changes ~ all of these can have a noticeable effect on your mood, your thought patterns, and your energy level.

Caution, rant ahead: I really wish there were less shame associated with medicating depression. I took antidepressants for 3 years, and I don’t mind telling you that. There is no moral superiority in recovering from depression without meds, just as women who have natural childbirth are no better than those who have an epidural. Yes, the rising rate of antidepressant use is a concern, but we’re not talking about statistics here ~ we’re talking about you. Do what you need to do to cope in this moment, and bugger the hand-wringers.

Do therapy. Doesn’t matter if you see a therapist, a social worker, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. Doesn’t matter what modality they practice from ~ CBT, Jungian, art therapy, whatever. What matters is that you talk and they listen and respond. “Countless studies have shown that ‘successful therapeutic outcomes’ in therapy are related to the therapist’s warmth ~ not the therapist’s theoretical orientation, not her training, not her experience.” (Rethinking Depression) So find someone you like and just open up. For more on this, check out my article at TalkTherapyBiz, Why therapy is awesome for artists.

Practice gratitude. Oprah started the craze with gratitude journals. Writer Ann Voskamp infused fresh life into the practice with her book One Thousand Gifts and the community that has grown around it. Saying thanks for what you notice cultivates a cycle of positive thinking that lifts your spirits.

Make connections. Therapists aren’t the only people you can talk to. Seek out people you can be authentic with and spend time with them. Join an online class or community ~ often the relative anonymity makes it easier to open up. Reducing your isolation will erode your unhappiness.

The last 5 ways listed here are about redesigning reality, “changing the things we can.” Once we are on firmer footing, gaining resolve and resources from taking those early steps, we can tackle the harder ones.

Reduce your responsibilities. Chances are that you’re tired and stressed and sad partly because you’re doing too much. So stop doing some of it. Find a new volunteer to replace you. Get some childcare or join a babysitting co-op. Cut back your hours at work. (Believe me, I know all of this is simpler said than done, but start small and you’ll grow bolder.) For more on quitting stuff, see my post The kind of help we all could do without.

Spend time creating. Step away from the grindstone and allow yourself to play. Remember the way you created as a child ~ purely for your own pleasure. Noch Noch has just published an inspiring article about how depression rejuvenated her creativity. (If you’re a writer, Story Is a State of Mind is a fabulous program to ease you back into things.)

Change your thoughts. You may think that you are stuck with the morose ramblings in your head. You are most emphatically not. You can “get a grip on your mind,” as Eric puts it, and replace the downer monologue with confident and encouraging self-talk. Learn this through cognitive therapy, or by practicing The Work of Byron Katie, or reading Eckhart Tolle.

Develop a meaning practice. You can intentionally instill more meaning into your life by understanding and doing more of what matters to you. Most of Eric’s book, Rethinking Depression, is devoted to describing such a meaning practice, and I highly recommend trying it out.

Change your life. This is what designing your art-committed life is all about. Slowly but surely you weed out the activities that drain you and fill your days with deliciousness. And you do this because you know that you are entitled to the best life you can imagine.

You have probably already heard most of this advice. And you may be gnashing your teeth and saying, “I know what to do, I just can’t do it!” But perhaps it helps to have it laid out and categorized like that. Perhaps you will be able to keep your eyes open for things you can do.

I appreciate the importance of accepting what we can’t change.

But what really fires me up is changing the things we can, and finding the wisdom to know the difference.

That’s what I’ve sunk my teeth into as a woman recovering from depression. That’s where I focus my work as a coach. I am not willing to settle for coping, tolerating, getting by ~ not for myself and not for the bright creatives who come to me for support.

If you’re ready to redesign your reality for more artistic happiness, look at my Enter the Labyrinth coaching services.

Which of these ways have you used to walk away from depression? Have I missed any that you’d like to add?

Photo credit: ItzaFineDay

{ 71 comments… add one }

  • Jenn Miller March 21, 2012, 10:18 am

    Love it. Shared it. Thank you!

  • Stacy March 28, 2012, 5:28 am

    Fantastic post. Especially, “There is no moral superiority in recovering from depression without meds …. we’re not talking about statistics here ~ we’re talking about you. Do what you need to do to cope in this moment.” Absolutely!! I volunteer as a patient advocate for women with chronic illnesses, and I see women *all the time* not doing what they feel is right for them because of the stigma or the judgement of their family or friends.
    I’ve also struggled with depression, and I can’t put enough emphasis on how important it is to have a plan – to feel empowered because you see a way out, and can begin taking small steps towards the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s when we lose hope that things really get bad (I’ve been there, and it’s awful). Creating a plan and doing whatever I could to implement it really made a difference.

    • karla March 24, 2016, 7:57 pm

      I love reading all this but I have no clue what to do too change how i am feeling?? Right now i am without insurance so i can’t afford treatment or counselling…I always just feel like i’m in the funk & can’t get out of it…I have gained weight cause i just rely on food to get me out of this but it’s only making me feel worse…please help!

      • andrew mcalpine December 11, 2017, 3:09 pm

        I cant feel happy anymore, i dont know how to be happy. I dont know why i have no motivation to do what i want to do.

        • Bryan October 10, 2018, 7:07 pm

          Are you still suffering? I feel exactly the same as you. I am 41 and in school, work, and have a family. I am in my third year and have lost all motivation and desire. I have struggled with depression and addiction most of my life. It is really hitting me hard now. I find no joy or happiness in anything I do. I just keep grinding away waiting for this wave to pass. That’s how I’ve managed for years. I’m just tired of the pattern. It has worn me down and eroded my soul

      • Katherine August 16, 2019, 1:55 pm

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    • Emmy May 2, 2016, 1:31 pm

      Great insgiht. Relieved I’m on the same side as you.

  • Karen Reddell May 24, 2013, 6:26 pm

    I know that I need someone in my life willing to love me through this to help encourage me. But there simply is NO ONE. What can I do alone to fix me. I have lived with this monster for as far back as I can remember. A child….I suffered with severe bouts of depression and anxiety and was plagued with nightmares and severe night terrors. I always thought that perhaps my ordeal would finaly come to an end and I would oneday be a normal person c
    apable of happiness. But I continued in the same way as I grew into an adult which I have never even felt like. I chose to be with an abusive mate and believe I loved them and then I went through two more abusive realationships that ended in divorce because they fell out of love with me and am now a burden on my kids and they ignore me completely and I cant blame them even though I have to say hat I have become the petson that will except whatever I can get ib the way of love from. My kids. They are all I have left on this earth other than a sister that lives far away.
    I just need soneone to show me how to live with this alone. Please help me to help myself.

    • Isela July 27, 2016, 10:17 pm

      Always think that your not alone someone is always watching over you

  • Jamie Smock May 25, 2013, 12:03 pm

    The word should be all right- two words.

  • Doc Robby June 9, 2013, 9:44 am

    Hi Karin,

    Dear woman I can feel your pain through your words and just want to say that you are not alone in your agony and grief. The simple fact that you have bothered to write on this beautiful forum about your problems says that you are reaching out for help, and when there’s a reaching out there is also always, and I do mean ALWAYS, a way through. It may not happen in the way you think it should, for Life often knows better than us, and it will always come on God’s time and not our own, so the process cannot be pushed although we may be greatly suffering. Our task during these times is simply to polish the mirrors of our hearts and do whatever it takes to make it from day to day or even moment to moment. Often then, when least expected, lo and behold, there comes a day when the pain is much better or gone.

    Please don’t make the healing of your depression dependent on someone being in your life to give you close personal love and support. Do you really believe that you can accept love from someone else when you can’t accept for yourself? Bad relationships that happen in our lives are just a reflection of the strife that we are already experiencing within. Until we have a certain amount of healthy self love for ourself it is unwise to try seek fulfillment outside of ourselves as this is just a distraction from our pain and prolongs the process. Love and support are important from others but not the kind where we think someone can rescue us from ourselves. It takes great courage to go through a depression when alone. The deeper truth however is that you could be surrounded by loads of people who love you and still be very depressed and feeling utterly alone. For some this is even worse as there is the depression compounded with the guilt of thinking that we ‘shouldn’t’ be depressed since we have so many around us who love us and we ‘should’ have it so good.

    A few questions:
    *Are you in a therapy that challenges you in a good way?
    *Are you taking the appropriate medications if necessary?
    *Are you aware of the specific food supplements that can really help when medications don’t help or one decides first to take a more natural route before taking meds?
    *How is your eating pattern? In my practice I’ve had numerous occasions when patients who always suffered from physical pain, depression and anxiety suddenly come up to me and say that they’re feeling much much better. When I asked what caused the change the answer is/was always the same: A low carbohydrate/low dairy diet. After hearing this around 50 times and seeing the miraculous turnabouts in the overall health of these patients I decided to look into it myself, and sure enough, there is a scientifically proven healthy brain-body connection that a low carb, low dairy diet explains very well. It is not for everybody but I’ve found that at least 75% of my patients experience a significant improvement in their complaints when this diet is properly implemented. If you’d like, look up Paleo Diet on the net and see if it may mean something to you.
    *Do you, exercise, exercise, exercise… 5x a week of 30+ minutes of say, fast walking, swimming, weights, etc…? This is actually equal to, if not better than, taking a Prozac everyday.
    * The use of mantras. This may not be for everybody but it is one of the most ancient methods from various cultures used to heal a broken heart and mind. A manta is simply a word or a phrase of a high spiritual vibration that you sing or repeat to yourself over and over. My favorite is the HU song (pronounced Hue or Hugh) sung in a long out breath, like Hhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuu…. It’s simply a way of saying, “God, I need help!” It’s not telling God what to do or how to do it but simply saying, “God, here I am and I need help.” This is something that you’ll have to prove for yourself and it may take some time to get an answer, but be persistant without pushing the process as the doors of the heart open inward and pushing only makes it worse. A suggestion would be to sing this or another word/phrase that appeals to you 10 minutes before going to sleep and increase from there to maybe 30 minutes max unless you are having some kind of inward experience. Be persistant as nothing in life comes for free and we may have to work hard for our freedom from the parts of ourselves that are remarkably attached to pain and a negative view of ourselves.
    * There are many more things that you can do to change your circumstances for the better but I’ll leave it up to you to look them up if you choose to do so. Remember: We may often need to take those first lonely and uncertain steps towards a healing before life takes our hand and walks with us. Once we have given 100% of what we can, that’s when the miracles occur.

    I wish you all the love and success that you need in order to heal.


    • Chris Thiel April 26, 2015, 5:01 am

      This is exactly what I was going to try next. I have actually decided to try this many times but the anxiety or depression will hit so hard and I feel like I just can’t take another step and I just don’t want to do life anymore. I am convinced I just can’t do it and ask the Lord to take me. I’m feeling like I just need to force myself to exercise, eat really healthy and practice some sort of emotional rewiring. But when it hits, it all goes out the window. I was abused as a child growing up, I connected with God and have been ok and then suddenly I almost lost my husband and now everything is back. The stress of almost losing him has sent me into depression, anxiety, I’m overwhelmed by anything in the slightest. I’m super sensitive to loud sounds, talking, emotions, people, stress of any kind. My best time usually is at night when my family is asleep and it’s dark. Everyone is just leaving me alone. It’s like my nerves are turned up to super sensitive and I feel it physically and I just want to turn it down to a reasonable level that I can deal with. My body at times will be in aching pain all over and then a migraine will come on. I feel like if you just hit me against a wall a few times I would feel better. Or get into a body of ice cold water. It’s really weird. I don’t get it. I just want to find a solution. I’m not interested in staying like this or having a diagnosis and saying well I guess that’s just the way I am. No, there has to be a solution! I have kids in my classroom that have been abused and they too overreact to stimuli and stress so maybe by me getting help then I can help them. I need help. I need help. I need help!

      • Anonymous August 11, 2019, 5:37 am

        Ask your family to take you on a short or long vacation, probably a summer vacation is the most important thing after school/work because people have to rest and recharge, and stop believing that “the world out there” needs any of your energy if that drains you. Just help yourself to a nap everyday and get outside like all other lazy moms out there cuz you’ve tolerated your kids’ noise for too long and you deserve to get something like Icecream or a dinner in any restaurant you crave.

  • Running On Fumes July 11, 2013, 7:43 pm

    If I had the money to afford a counselor, or a vacation, or cut back my work hours, I would gladly do those things and more. I know exactly what makes me happy, and I’m not getting those things because if I’m awake, I’m working. Period. 365 days a year.

    That’s the source of my walking depression. I have to keep slogging on, no matter how much I want to curl up and cry, because if I don’t, we don’t eat. We don’t have internet (my only source of contact with any of my friends) or gas for the car. Without my efforts, my family has no future or hope. If I stop, it all falls apart. So I can’t stop. Ever. And it’s killing me. And there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s like Speed, and I’m the bus. I stop moving, and it’s all over. And I’m running out of gas.

    • Running on Hope July 19, 2013, 5:06 pm

      Dear Running on Fumes,
      I truly know how you feel. I’m in exactly the same position. I only pray that the family that your doing it all for is sincerely appreciative of your efforts. That is their actions, not just words, reflect their appreciation for your sacrifices.
      My experience sadly, is that my family doesn’t, and nothing runs you out of gas faster than a one-way love. I do it because I love my kids, and know that if I walk away to escape the depression to be happy, everything falls apart and I will probably never see my kids again, and live with the pain that their futures are being ruined by their upbringing…I hope its all worth it in the end, and that their lives are better than mine.
      I pray that your partner & kids show their appreciation to you. You can’t always control your financial situation…but gratitude & love from your partner & kids will keep your gas tank full to keep going on. I pray that you can get them to understand this. Best wishes.

    • running on expectations November 16, 2013, 3:17 pm

      Dear Running on Fumes (and Running on Hope),

      I know how you feel and I am in the same position (x2) -after (sometimes 8 hours) of lessons I have to work every day and then find the strength to go back home and study some more. People say these should be the happiest days of my life, yet I have not felt happy for years. But if I stop I don’t eat, I have no future.

      Believe me, it may not be now, but what you are doing will be truly appreciated. You are a strong a brave person and I truly admire you, because I can’t even handle myself, let alone children. Keep hanging on and in the future it will be worth it.

    • Pamela Rylah April 2, 2014, 1:56 am

      I get what you are saying

  • Julia Derek October 14, 2013, 7:21 pm

    I can’t help but feel that this blog post is only for financially independent people, and thus, a little silly. I mean, obviously we would all like to just go on a vacation, cut down on our work hours or get a fabulous counselor. It is all very helpful. I used a few therapists when I had insurance and found some of them very helpful. Tell everyone how great therapy can be. I also took antidepressants for a while when I felt my depression was so bad I couldn’t deal with it otherwise. I was never ashamed at all for taking antidepressants and told everyone. My issue is I’m having a hard time meeting someone to share my life with even though I look good–used to model and still look good for my age, which is early forties. Have lots of friends, so it doesn’t seem to have something to do with my personality either. Being with someone–that I’m physically attracted to–would mean I didn’t have to struggle as much financially and give me the emotional support I need. But it’s not happening and I do lots of social stuff. Anyway, enough of my rant. Just wanted to add my two cents.

    • Pamela Rylah April 2, 2014, 1:57 am

      Boy do I relate to you !

  • VM December 5, 2013, 4:03 pm

    I think this helped me a lot so thank you though I don’t think my age will permit anti depressants I will Ty the rest of this thanks so much again I couldn’t really go to anyone right now without dragging their mood with me and that would be selfish so I think this will help very much thanks.

  • Kc rain February 5, 2014, 3:11 pm

    I loved your blog and truly thought these were great suggestions! I don’t think this for financially independent people, but maybe someone who is just tired of being that depressed person. I finally said enough after 13 years of being with my boyfriend, bought a plane ticket and moved to Oregon from Alaska! And before you say you don’t have kids, yes I do, I have two boys 13 and 10. Its hard at first of course but least I am getting away from my source of depression, which was my boyfriend, who constantly yells. If someone reads this and thinks that could be me too. It can you can make your own reality!

  • Anne April 5, 2014, 5:03 pm

    They would choose to believe that I have become a recluse, angry and bitter (“him”), self-involved and would rather work 7 days a week then spend time with them (kids). They have fallen for my act of self sufficiency and strength. I wonder if they ever talk about me. Is Mom alright? Have you seen her lately? Do they stop and think about who I am. Notice how I’ve changed? They want nothing from me, need nothing from me, until they do and then I get a call, “just checking in to see how you’re doing?”
    I always say I’m fine. I know they don’t want to hear anything different than that as they rush through the social chatter either to soothe themselves from the guilt of not calling or until they catch their breath to ask for what they need this time.
    I understand as this is the normal evolution from childhood to adulthood.
    I know there is love there. I just wonder how they can’t “see” me. My fear is that one day they will. My mantra is, “I am invisible. No one knows.”
    But you do. You know what I’m talking about. You know how this feels.
    I am so tired. So tired I made myself schedule three days off from work in a row. This is day two. I haven’t had a day away from clients in months. I am not doing well with myself in the room.
    Finding this site helped me through a couple of dark hours. Thank you.

    • Very Sad January 20, 2017, 9:39 am

      Children… self absorbed, emotionally detached (when it suits them.) I had a plan that when I reared my children, supporting them through education to University Standard, motivating them to excel etc.. that I would be rewarded for a job well done, but I guess true to my life’s pattern, that just doesn’t ever happen to a person like me. I feel I’m here to help & develop others, privately, professionally and emotionally and when I need real support, I’m invisible.
      Parents, Children ex partners & employers… have all benefitted through knowing me. My ex partner slow to meet the needs of our family (unemployment) due to not wanting to change career paths, thus putting me under more pressure to achieve, provide & simultaneously raising the children, coupled with disfunctional selfish unsupportive parents, discrimanatory employers paying my colleagues more dispite me having more experience, and at times even training them! Forcing me to leave, starting again elsewhere. Leaving ex partner and him using the life plan I encouraged & I needed for us & he stubbornly rejected for 15 + years, and doing it with someone else! & appearing to be a forward thinking catch! Opening me up to vulnerability, at a time when I was on the cusp to brighter things…taking control of MY Destiny, Buying another home, a HMO, person I knew all of my life… My brother in law, knowingly decided to sabotage a life long dream out of jealousy, 3yrs ago… my depression came back with all guns blasting! I tried to bounce back but received no support from the people who had the power to do so.
      I’ve had seizures & a heart attack as a result of the Stressful hand life has dealt me. I don’t move, I no longer plan nothing because I have learned without support you have nothing, dispite asking… that is my experience, so Ive stopped… im surrounded by “Useless People.” I thought that by giving people what they needed from me…all would be well… all has been well for all concerned, not for me though, always a no way!
      Careers dispite giving what is required & above at times, I’m used to progress others, & being paid less than my colleagues…I appear to be aesthetically attractive, stylish, friendly polite and good friend…I started my own business, no one i know supports what I’m selling, so now I have given up… I live alone, in an area I haven’t chosen for myself, a result of the sabotage (I was buying a home / HMO in my chosen area) I know no one here… I am a recluse, every day is the same, I don’t eat out, go to the pub, work, frightened of the exploitation, I am soooo demotivated, I spent my whole life looking forward, I nearly had it & it was taken away from me, I don’t dream any more… I don’t know what to do I’m so tired of this Life, nothing works.

    • T. Scott March 19, 2018, 3:12 am

      I understand your position in life. No one knows the real you, the thoughts that pass through. I’m on year

  • lianne April 13, 2014, 8:25 pm

    unbelievable…….this web site…..I had no idea that so many others……it brings tears….it brings hope…..has helped to restore my faith….to believe in myself again. I am in the process of using all of the 5 steps……struggling painfully….finding it impossible to take those very steps that I know are the very thing that may help me. Doc Robby, god bless you!!! Thank you for your kind wonderful words of wisdom! I have found in the past that diet and supplements have helped…how I managed to implement them at the time had to have been with the help of god sent angels…..for I have no memory of having had the ability to do it myself. Unfortunately I have found myself starting all over again……working very difficultly on not giving up on myself for allowing myself to fall back into this pit! And yes…I am very tired…..but I will not give up! I will figure this out again! I only wish I could help you all to find your way out of it too! Because I can feel your pain…and know it only to well. Good luck and blessings to us all…..Please don’t give up. Lianne

  • Francis C April 14, 2014, 6:55 am

    I understand perfectly about loneliness, unhappiness and depression, as I too was once a victim and for many years. I have good news and its from someone who has been there and come out of the darkness. I am a 52 year old woman. I have twin boys given to me with Gods Blessings not long ago. I never thought I would be a mother, having waited so long for meet the right man. And that wasn’t all, I was also without a job, unwell, no money to my name and I was heavily overweight. I thought my life as I remembered it as a young girl, was over, finished and that in time I would die a depressed and pitiful woman. I use to smile during the day and at night cried myself to sleep for years. I had been treated unfairly all my life, first at home my mother wasn’t close to me, and my father who I was close to, died very young. When he died part of me went with him and stayed there. At work as a young woman, I was often ganged up on, harassed, bullied and abused. In the end I tossed in my jobs. I didn’t know how to communicate to anyone what was happening to me, as I wasn’t close to anybody. Then one night two months shy of fifty years old, I did something unusual. I got down on my knees and I asked God to take me now. Obesity had also caused my whole body to swell up in pain and I could barely walk or bend my knees, yet somehow I mananged to stay on them while I said a prayer. I didn’t want to wake up tomorrow. Strange that after my prayer I felt very tired and went to sleep. I have to say it was the best sleep of my life and it changed me, because all night I was sitting next to a man who was holding my hand and I continued to feel such a warmth and calmness I would never forget. The words I needed to hear were very simple; “do not give up, not now not ever”. The next morning something in me changed, I felt lighter and relaxed. For once I wasn’t thinking about what I didn’t have, but what I could have. Approximately six months down the track someone called me about a temporary job that needed to be filled right away. Three days in my new job a man walks through the office door asking directions as he was lost, we struck up a conversation, and four months later, he became my husband and seven months later, I become permanent in my job and then with pregnancy finally became a mother. The mother I always wanted to be. To anyone that is thinking of giving up in life, don’t, because the best part comes after the hardest obstacles life can deliver.

    • lau May 31, 2014, 3:53 am

      Thanks for your input. I loved it. Miracles do happen and your story is good proof of it.

      Best wishes.

    • Indira December 23, 2014, 6:57 pm

      Francisca C, your story had put my heart soften in believing. All my life have experienced similar feelings to your life journey, except until that time what you believed would happened. It is such a beautiful life story you are sharing. I got to a point of no hope, especially a friend who was missing and founded a few days later took his life. I had three major relationships. The last was controlled by the partner parents that I was mistreated unfairly and kept me in the dark. We lost a girl two weeks before she was due. I had no compassion support, a father inlaw who did the same to his late wife and passing his tradition to his sons who disrespect and use women with no attachment. We have a seven years old son now that we share custody. I have been trying to establishing a new life and like minded people. I am constantly trying a new approach in life, praying to end my loneliness, self search, a hope for a replacement a lost of my girl, a caring partner, a son that will not turnout like my last partner and his father and brother. I am 46, and very healthy and preserved my age. I had a big cry when I read your story because I felt it in me. I know I need to work on my self learn to love being in my own company. God bless you. You’re an inspiration.

    • Dawn June 4, 2016, 9:01 am

      I can relate to so much of what you posted! Thank you for sharing your journey and testimony.

  • Lauren November 24, 2014, 9:25 am

    I am in desperate need of help. Growing up, I dealt with having a learning disability which is called process impairment. I did not allow it to label me I was able to get through middle school and was in special classes in high school well smaller groups. I applied to colleges with no luck in being accepted. One school did accept me through a program. I went there and wanted to pursue teaching but i ended up switching to psychology. So i have my bachelors in psychology. This past june i broke up with a boyfriend of 7 years. He put up with all my different behaviors but i wanted to see what else was out there. Over the summer, i was a single gal and this was almost like a high to me. Going out drinking every weekend. Then bam school started in september and i was not ready. I was going back for teaching and i didn’t like my placement as they put me in a daycare instead of public school. I feel apart from no longer having a supportive boyfriend and not taking a liking to my student teaching placement. This is when things got real bad–I have been hosptialized 3 times since september and i am currently taking medications. I have had suicidal thoughts and attempts. Each day is a struggle for me, i don’t want to get out of bed because i feel that i have nothing good going on in my life. No school, no job, no boyfriend, haven’t seen my friends and I’m not independent like a 25 year old girl should be. I feel empty. Im scared to do things alone so the fact that i myself have to get out of this depressed state alone is very difficult for me. Sometimes id rather just take the easy way out but i don’t want to hurt my family. I am starting outpatient program on Tuesday. How can i find the strength and motivation to keep going. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I don’t smile or laugh. I have to force myself to do anything and i know life is just passing by. my parents have also done a lot for me especially my mom- she always took exceptionally good care of me so now that i feel like i have to do things on my own it feels impossible. I am told by everyone to work on myself but that seems to not work easily for me. Im 25 years old with nothing to offer except depression and anxiety. What can i do? please someone help me I don’t want to be this person anymore i don’t want depression to be my first name. Im scared and could really use some advice.

    • Alec November 29, 2014, 2:58 pm


      I feel that I am am in a slightly similar position. However, I’m 21 and in community college, and am in the process transferring to a university (which is ridiculously stressful). I still live at home with my parents and it is honestly the most depressing thing in my life, especially when my brother comes home from college. My entire family is ridiculous and I feel horribly trapped. My family treats me as though I am incapable of living a normal life without them, which is extremely debilitating. My whole family are alcoholics and I have made multiple attempts myself at being sober, but it’s really hard and my family only makes it worse. I know that if I move out things will be better, but I’m extremely scared. The area I live in is also very expensive even for a studio apartment. I feel trapped in a never ending cycle of depression. I too am very scared, however I’ll try to give you some advice. Stay positive and change things positively; I will be as well.

  • Peggy Kolodny December 14, 2014, 6:36 am

    Beside “talk therapy”, there is a wide range of psychotherapy professions and modalities that are highly effective with depression. Art Therapy is a Masters level profession that utilizes the therapeutic benefit inherent in the creative process and guiding the client’s understanding of self through her/his art. Art skill and talent are not needed by the client. It uses the whole brain. Other expressive arts therapies include music, dance/ movement, drama & creative writing. Then there are psychotherapy approaches that enhance talk such as EMDR, IFS and sensorimotor. In the end, I love that you mentioned that the warmth of a therapist builds the empathetic connection needed.

    • Alison April 21, 2015, 9:34 am

      Thanks for this comment, Peggy – you’re so right, and I updated the article to make my reference to therapy more inclusive.

  • MD January 4, 2015, 10:31 pm

    I feel all of you. Everyones story is different but somewhat the same.
    I’m a 35 year old physician with a great family. I took my first job doctoring 2 yrs ago and have been very depressed ever since (though looking back i know I’ve been unhappy a lot of times in my life, and even with short times of depression). I know in my job I am helping people but I am very unhappy with my day to day routine. I cry all the time. If Im alone for more than 20min and not distracted by television or internet, Im crying! and i have a good job, I am able to pay my bills, afford health insurance, a place to live. but I am still miserable.
    And lately I finally WANT to really date someone seriously but I wouldn’t want ANYONE to have to put up with this pessimistic, cry baby of a person i’ve become!!
    And I find I’m too scared to change anything. Im paralyzed with the fear that if i do change the things i don’t like in my life, ill still be unhappy and then I will have no ‘situation’ to blame and know that its just me, my thoughts, my mood, myself that is destined to be miserable no matter what!
    (and to think, i help people deal with THEIR depression in my clinic almost on a daily basis.. .if they only knew I can’t help myself …)

    • Lis February 25, 2015, 4:50 am

      Hi MD,
      also an MD here. 34 y. 2 years of working. Just hit the wall after a while of walking depression. Nowadays I’m crying a lot too. And I’m the type that really DOES NOT cry. Funny thing is I can distract myself fairly well, by doing stuff, thinking about everything else than work and my life around that work. At first I didn’t even know I was depressed, just tired, always tired, sleeping very badly. But I have wondered about my lack of interest in quite everything that used to be fun. I realized 2 weeks ago that I was about to hit the wall and actually start feeling. A few days ago I realized it was affecting my work and that is way unacceptable. I made the very difficult choice of actually talking to my tutor and my boss and I’m at the moment on a sick leave.
      And yes, time off gives you time to feel and think and it can be bad at times, but as a person who has been depressed before I figured out how to fix me before by giving myself an ultimatum. Or rather just picturing my life. It’s a really depressing heavy thought, but it may kick start you to do something.
      Imagine what you have today and how you are feeling. Imagine having that everyday the next week. Everyday for the next month. For the next year, the next ten years. Do you really want that? Relive that over and over?
      Or could it be worth trying something else?
      As an MD you have so many opportunities to do other things. Do them!

  • Karena apus January 24, 2015, 12:17 am

    I was reading the advices and the stories too and all i could think was “wow” for finding myself in most of them and for finding some hope in others. I think I know which is my solution but i cannot do anything, it would ruin every single thing of my actual life and, starting something totally new? That really freaks me out. I’m 19, i go to university and after that go to work. Almost everything i gain at work goes for my brother and his family, cause they are having financial problems, and i don’t mind helping them, my problem is that i feel like they seem to appreciate what i do only with words but not with actions. I’m living a life that it’s built on other people’s choices and not my choices so i find my self living a life i don’t want to. I’m having problems with my job, problems with my university, problems with my family and they (my brother and his wife) don’t ever think about what I’m going through. They only care about their problems. Right now i feel the worst person in the world for talking like that but, i feel pain every second, amd i feel I’m a weak person and so hopeless. I need to feel that there’s someone out there who will understand me, who will be next to me, who will really care about me. The only person i have right now is my mother. She is always there for me but what in the world can i say to her when i know that if i suffer she suffers more? I don’t want to hurt her. But i feel I’m also wasting my life for not doing at least one thing based on my choice

  • COG January 28, 2015, 5:00 pm

    This article really struck a cord with me. For too long I’ve left ungrateful or abnormal, that I didn’t know how lucky I was, that I was wasting my life being miserable. Being jealous of those who seemed to have it all figured out, that were happy.. That elusive feeling. Constant debilitating thoughts about how I was lacking.

    I realise all this but I’m finding it hard to change. I complain that my life is empty and sad, but then refuse to go to hobbies or parties that would cheer me up. Sometimes I think we get used to the snide voice in our heads, we treat them like comfort blankets to ‘protect’ us from the real world so if it goes wrong, at least we can say we saw it coming. It’s not a healthy way to be though, I’m still trying to find a way out.

  • Hctor February 20, 2015, 11:27 pm

    I AM LOST, CONFUSED, & DEPRESSED. Hi, I am male, 42, and have been dealing with increasingly longer bouts of depression. My world is literally dark, as if the sun did not shine as it used to when I was younger. I get really anxious and depressed, I do not want to be this person anymore.
    I come from a very strict upbringing as evidenced by many who have grown up under the high expectations of an authoritative father who drinks and practices whippings as on his kids as necessary to keep them in line. My father, however, is very intelligent, hardworking and admire him for that and other things. He started the family business more than 30 years ago—my mother along with two younger siblings work there as well. I graduated school and college with honors and have always been an achiever; I had a lot to do with the growth and success of the business. I struggle daily, however, to see how the way my father organized the business and pay structure simply does not reward hard work and dedication to the business. My youngest sibling who started a few years ago is the big beneficiary of this. As a result this situation, I have become increasingly withdrawn (I am not proud of this), and therefore, we have not had the family cohesiveness necessary to be able to modernize and take the business to the next level. In fact, the business is not really making money anymore.
    I love my family, but over the last few years, it has become incredibly difficult be part of the business, much less give it my best. At times, I escape from work to my house only to feel guilty that more is expected of me and that I am not at work tending the store which is “so behind” and needs so much improvement. I feel like a prisoner of our business and find it very difficult to take time to wind down–I never do.
    Importantly, I feel also feel bad because in addition to our 15 year old, my wife and I also have an 8 year old who was diagnosed with Autism 4 years ago. In our quest to help my younger son with his problem, the last few years have been tough and expensive. I wish I could be there more for my kids and, unfortunately, all I do is work and worry, lamenting how I did not have the proper say in key aspects of the business that are now pretty much permanent and can not be changed because according to my father, my younger brother can be negatively affected.
    I do not want to let my Father down, but I am certainly letting myself down. I have never worked anywhere else and not really believe in myself that I can settle in another career successfully. I have low self esteem in this regard. I also know that if I made a career change, I would have to settle for a substantially lower salary and sacrifice some dignity as people know me to be a successful business person in my small community.
    The thing is, I have always had personal goals and dreams for myself that also include my own family, but I feel time slipping by. I have thought a lot about going back to school to earn a graduate degree, but feel I won’t have the time and can not even concentrate enough to be able to choose an area of study. It hurts to be in this really dark place and despite my attempts to hide it, I think it is becoming increasingly apparent. I do not want my kids to see me this way and I also do not want to let the rest of my family down…I know I need help and I have tried to see therapists in the past, but it is difficult to seek help as I have to travel at least an hour to be able to see one in larger city closest to me….For a long time I have been trying to figure a way to be happy….

  • anta March 10, 2015, 1:53 am

    Best philosophy I have read on depression ever 🙂

  • Abbey April 21, 2015, 9:10 am

    I feel as though If depressed people were to try out a few of these, it would only make them more depressed.

    I cannot reduce my responsibilities…they are responsibilities. If I could choose not to work, I would…But then I wouldn’t have enough money to pay my bills. If I could choose to drop one of my college courses to make time to create things, I would…but these are not realistic options.

    Therapy is not always available. Psychiatrists and medicine cost money. Money that some depressed people might not have, no matter how important taking care of myself is, I cannot afford medicine to help it…what about people without medical insurance? I couldn’t even imagine not having that.

    A lot of these tips are very helpful and effective, however some don’t make sense to me; someone who suffers from severe depression. (Maybe it’s because I’m depressed? Or maybe it’s because I know for a fact if I attempted to do a few of these things, It would only cause me more problems)

    • Alison April 21, 2015, 9:30 am

      Abbey, thanks for your comment – I can totally see how some of these suggestions would feel depressing rather than helpful. Depression is such a double whammy in that it saps you of the very resources, energy, and hopefulness that you need in order to recover.

      I hope that you are able to make use of the options that are available to you. If you are feeling so depressed that you can’t even attempt to get help, what about recruiting a friend or family member to research or brainstorm for you? Or are there free, easy things that you can try? The library should have some good resources, like David Burns’ Feeling Good Handbook. And there are free hotlines if you need someone to talk to.

      I hear your discouragement. I don’t want to negate that. And I also wish you the determination and creativity you need to get through this depression in your own way. I believe in you.

  • Carmen May 9, 2015, 8:03 am

    I need help I feel like death is my only option I don’t feel like I can do this thing called life anymore I don’t remember the last I really woke up happy that I was living my grandmother passed 4 years ago the morning she passed I was suppose to go home that morning but instead we had a argument that night and I didn’t go she died of a massive stroke everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault and that it was nothing I could’ve done but I’m sure everyone else would’ve felt the same way and would be feeling the same way I still find myself trying to call her to tell good news or bad news and when it hits me that she is really gone again I just feel lifeless help me please I’m giving up

  • Sahar June 22, 2015, 8:15 am

    Hey…I’m 20 year old girl…I cant function well enough these days.as I read articles online I see I have depression issue.I had problems with my mom from early ages and I had some major problems with my friends as well.but I didn’t show anything at all.I was trying to be nice all the Time but at nights I was just crying. And suicide thoughs came to my mind very often but I refused to do it.I love medicine and I worked alot for it but I couldn’t get accepted for it so I had to study a major I don’t like it at university.now I’m just struggling to get a chance to study and get to medical colleges but depression doesn’t let me I’m helpless really…

  • Drawing in depression June 22, 2015, 6:34 pm

    This was just what I needed to read. I needed somebody to tell me it was okay to do these things. That it is okay to take a day or two off from work or to reduce my obligations so that I can focus on me. I am so worried about not being able to do it all that I often time lose myself and end up drawing in my depression.

    • Drowning in depression June 22, 2015, 6:35 pm

      *drowning in depression

  • Gaynor July 10, 2015, 8:07 am

    I don’t know where to start. I am 63 and live with my husband of 42 years. My husband who is a retired police officer of 17 years. My husband has suffered from many problems R.E.M. Disorder traumatic stress and alcohol problems. I have helped him with these issues over the past years and I sometimes come home from work and find him drunk even though he has had lots of help for these problems. For a number of years we have been carers for various relatives and we now look after our 3 year old granddaughter 3 days and night a week. I have been suffering from spinal problems for the past 9 months and sometimes am in agony. I recently was transferred from my job to another job that is very stressful tutoring young people who are 16 -18 that are on training schemes, this is very hard and sometimes they are so difficult I can’t cope. I work four days a week but have asked to reduce to 3 but this hasn’t been accepted. We have a caravan and on weekends my husband wants to go down there even when we have our granddaughter. I am then rushing to go down there and have that to contend with. My husband does very little around the house and I get so angry and anxious I just don’t know what to do, all he does is make matters worse and wind me up. On Thursday this week I had a spinal blocK injection
    And couldn’t walk. On Friday I felt ill and had diarrhoea and a severe headache and my walking wasn’t very good. He wanted me to get ready to go to the van as we had asked some friends down, I felt so bad but he didn’t understand and I ended up shouting and he was goading me to hit him and winding me up, he has since left for the. An on his own. I am so busy I have no recreational time and I don’t know where to turn. My whole life is so demanding I can’t cope. I have always worked hard and been able to juggle everything but I can’t anymore,what can I do?

  • Dylan gopal August 19, 2015, 9:51 pm

    I feel the exact same thing as the descriptions, I’m always down, always want 2 sleep, thought about suicide but that’s not 4 me, l also dont have any motivation 2 do things bec of this depression, this has affected me most of my life .I’ve seen many psycatrists but haven’t had the courage to tell them I am depressed, I want to change myself and my thinking but don’t know how .

  • Lucy September 1, 2015, 11:49 pm

    I’m very glad to come across this site. It might help me save my marriage, may be. I’ve been walking depressed for long enough, my husband calling me bipolar. Unfortunately we never talk about my mental issue openly, also we are living in a SEA city, seeking for professional help is quite expensive, and there’s no such community help here. I’ve been feeling empty, unfulfilling, unhappy and useless for too long. I don’t want to share with my friends here although I have a lot friends, first of all cause most of them are very selfish and superficial, secondly the trust worthy ones I just don’t feel like bothering them. I wanted to move away from the city where we been living for 10 years now but I can’t because my husband has got his whole career here. I’m tired of the lifestyle here, every day when I wake up first thing in head is how am I gonna make through another day in a city I hate so much! All I want to do is to move to somewhere new and start a life fresh. I know it sound like I’m trying to run away from problems, reality is my husband and I couldn’t even have a normal chat over 3 mins before resulting another huge argument! My daily life is just argue, or pretending we are ok. When he says I love you I care about you to me, I’m just numb.. I’ve felt out love with him a while ago.. He knows it but he’s not really acting on anything! I wish I could just talk to him with an open heart, he would do the same back! I’m depressed, lost and I start hating myself. Even know writing here makes me feel insecure, do I have bipolar?

    • K October 8, 2016, 10:01 pm

      Just wanted to comment on ‘not wanting to bother’ people. During my forst period of depression I spent half my time curled up in my room trying to disappear, and the other half smiling big and being a high functioning person. The mean thoughts told me I was worthless, so to prove I wasn’t, I felt like I had to keep from being a burden.
      I pushed through the period alone, without ever admitting to anyone what had been going on, until one day I met a young man my age who spoke openly about his experiences. He openly admitted to all these things that so many of us refuse to acknowledge. I was floored by the viceral understanding that I wasn’t the only one.
      I confessed to this random guy that I’d literally stood at the edge of a cliff, and had never told anyone. He responded with so much warmth and understanding, it broke my world view.
      I went home. I started painting a picture. And as I painted, over the next three months, I systematically went through every one I loved and forced myself to tell them too. To prove to myself that I could ask for help when I needed it.
      It was hard, but I got so much love.
      Many people, often people I didn’t expect had experienced similar things.
      It makes the burden so much lighter to say it out loud. So, so many people have mean brain thoughts and empty feelings, I highly recommend trying to share with some one.
      Here’s an internet hug (if you’re a hugging sort 😉 ), and the best of wishes. <3

  • J December 25, 2015, 9:44 pm

    I’m like Abbey. I resonate with her. I work six days a week and can never stop working because we’re in our sixties with little savings. No children. My family thinks I’m the waste and failure because they are all multiple college degrees and millionaires and I didn’t finish college — no help there. When my husband retires it will be close to the “do we choose food or medicine today?” lifestyle. Depression runs in my family and I have dealt with mine for decades. I cannot take medications; both parents were addicted to them. And my career depends on everyone thinking I am the most upbeat, cheerful, wise person they run into — I’m an intuitive counselor. And frankly, damned good at it for everyone else. Because I’m a public figure I can’t take any chances by talking to anyone who might discuss things in public about me.

    I have absolutely no idea what to do. But I hate thinking that the last twenty years of my life will be just waiting to die.

  • JB Pinson January 9, 2016, 5:28 am

    I’m not sure depression is something you can ever walk away from but I get what you’re saying. It may be with you your whole life but there are a lot of excellent tools out there you can use to combat it. I’m an old hand at depression and some days I’m not so successful at fighting it. When you have the social skills of a doorknob it can be really hard to ask for help. Social anxiety on top of depression can make it even harder to ask for help. Fighting it by yourself is a big no no and it’s hard to fight your own brain. My brain is a traitor and it likes to show me a warped reality of things in my life. It distorts the truth and tries to convince me that I’m an idiot, that I’m wrong, that others can tell how different I am. It loves shame and enjoys throwing guilt trips at me that I don’t deserve. It takes little every day things and warps them into something big, something they’re not and makes me feel horrible about myself. Some days I can tell it to shut up and others I’m not very successful at not believing it. On the flip side it’s also hard because there are some days that I literally live for those manic I’m on top of the world days but those can be dangerous too. They can give one a false sense of security or a feeling of invulnerability and people do stupid things when they feel like that. You’ve listed a lot of great tools and there are many more out there. Each person has to find their own way to fight it and it never helps to think that one person is more depressed than another. Pain is pain. Your pain is as great as my pain and we all deal with pain in different ways. Some people can handle more than others. Look at the soldiers who survived WWII or the holocaust survivors. Those people are the epitome of survival and some days it makes me ashamed that I’ve never dealt with anything that bad but I’m not them. I’m me and my pain is still every bit as profound and real as theirs is. Depression and pain are different for each person.

    Please look up the lecture on Youtube titled “Stanford’s Sapolsky on Depression” to see the real physical effects that depression has on your body and mind. I’ve learned more from watching that one lecture than anywhere else. In short he explains the very real physical effects that depression has on your body. The mans a genius and knows his stuff. I’d post the link here but I hate spamming other people’s sites so I’ll leave it up to you’ll to watch if you feel like. It never hurts to learn more. It’s really interesting and everyone I’ve shown it to has learned something new.

    Also thank you for posting this. Sometimes we just need a reminder that we’re not alone and that others are being successful at fighting their depression. Sometimes a kind word and some hope can make such a huge difference. Helping others is also a great way to help yourself and to fight your depression.

    Find what works for you, fight it, don’t let it convince you that this is who you are. Even on my darkest days I know that’s not the real me and sometimes all I can do is sit there and wait for me to come back. Other days I’m more successful and use the tools I’ve learned to fight it. Either way eventually you will come out of that tunnel and there’s always a light at the end of it. It may take a while sometimes but be patient. Give yourself just one more day…then another….keep doing that every day if you have to. Buy yourself some time until the real you can come back and then you can think clearly. I wish you all the best. I wouldn’t wish depression or any mental illness on my worst enemies.

  • Dad,student,single February 10, 2016, 8:26 pm

    Thank you for sharing . Just a reminder that I am not the only one who feels they are doing the best they can and still feel they fall short . My issues revolve around when the world stops around me , or I stop moving . I am a highly motivated person; work, school, kids on the weekend . Yet, when I am home by myself .. I just feel sad. Worthless .. Then get the thoughts that just beat me up and I just ask myself is it all worth it ? I am working on a better career for me and my kids , but it’s so depressing when I’m home by myself and rather than feel accomplished or proud I feel sad and alone . Even when I have my kids on the weekends sometimes .. It’s like I only feel good when I’m on my feet — any suggestions ?

  • Alone June 11, 2016, 8:29 pm

    I feel so alone!! I take care of my Neice because her Mom is not fit! Her mother sells drugs and lives with a man that rob’s people and banks! I have family that I live but I don’t want to reach out to them. I’ve been on meds only for a Shit time! I want to kill myself but don’t want my 6 yr old Neice to hurt!! I don’t Wish this pain on anyone!!! I talk with a therapist but I see NO results! I’ve been in abusive relationships perhaps because my parents always fought!! I know working out is good but I just take long walks!! I can’t stop crying! When Im with my Neice she doesn’t see this behavior! I did Nice things with her and for her!! I Also go to Church! I pray all the time! I listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I just want this pain to Go away forever!!

  • Rick October 5, 2016, 9:07 am

    I get everything that everyone is saying. I have been on every medication that is available for depression and have ECT, which screwed with my memory .I am in therapy, and attend groups , like CBT, Getting to know your emotions, mindfulness, anger management etc., I have done everything that is asked of me, except eat right (I only eat once a day, and don’t feel like eating then), exercise (I walk my dogs two to three times a day), but that’s it, socialize, (I usually go out on Saturday night with my friends and have dinner, and pay cards dominoes etc., plus I go golfing once a week with my buddies) Since I have come out and talked to my friends and family about my depression(I was also in the hospital three times on suicide watch) it seems that they have stopped coming around, calling and when I ask them why,, they day they don’t know if they should call, because it might upset me, or I might be having a bad day, so now that is happening, and my wife seems to be getting fed up with me as well, as I am not doing all the renovations I should be doing and I am quite capable of. So to summarize, I am lost, I really don’t know why I am here, I have led a good life up to this point, done everything that you are supposed to do, raised a family, saved and I am set up financially, not rich, just comfortable, can pay the bills. I ask myself what do I really want, and nothing comes up, I ask myself what is my passion and nothing comes up, (I used to play a lot of sports, but due to injuries, can’t anymore), So I don’t know what to do. I spend on average right now, about 15 hours a day in bed. It is the only place I can zone out. What I need it someone to come to my house and tell me what a loser I am, and give hell about the way \I have been living, and then the anger will come up and I would say, I will show you,, but that is because of the way I was raised, and I wouldn’t be doing it for me. That is what I am working through in therapy, is the anger at myself for not being a responsible, loving, contributing member of society. I am supposed to try and use love and passion and empathy for myself instead of anger, but I have none, my emotions are mostly mute except for the sadness, despair. When I am out and about, I put on my smiley face and you wouldn’t know that I had a problem.. That is about it, any help or guidance would be appreciated. Thanks for listening in advance, and P.S., I have tried a lot of alternative therapies as well, such as New Decision Therapy, supplements 5 http, St. Johns wort etc., I wish everyone the best and hope you find your way.

  • SSC November 3, 2016, 7:52 pm

    I am done with my life. I am never going to get better. I’ve seen doctors, tried medication, spoken with family and one friend (I don’t have more), admitted myself to hospitals, tooken time off work, and there’s no more I can do. HELP!

  • Nicole Gooding November 6, 2016, 5:11 am

    This helped me so much..thank you.

  • Darren December 27, 2016, 9:05 pm

    Hi all, I hope many people are feeling some benefits from the article and thread.
    As well as depression, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks that seem all keyed into my pathological terror of poverty and being broke. The suggestions that a reduction in responsibilities and a vacation are meant only in the best way, but to me (and a few others here), these suggestions feel almost cruel, that some of the big goals in my life have been glibly put forward as little steps we can all take towards ending depression. A vacation???? I ache with shame that I can’t take my family on any sort of holiday due to a lack of funds. A really potent approach to reducing depression and anxiety in those who can’t go anywhere or do anything but go to work each day, come home, and do it again – well that I would pay to see.

  • Erin January 20, 2017, 9:14 am

    this is exactly what i needed to read today, i’m still in a constant battle between recovery & hitting rock bottom over & over again. some of the information is known but the way it is presented to an individual makes a big difference, and you nailed it. thank you so much.

  • Don't know February 19, 2017, 5:26 am

    For the first time in my life I have no job but that’s not the problem I moved to a different country with my girlfriend everything was looking good but in some ways Iv never really felt right I all ways hide the way I feel for as long as I can Remember even from her I know this sounds or messed up Iv never post stuff like this I don’t know what to do I’m 28 years old and Iv all ways been working but for the last year I haven’t and I can’t find the will to get out of bed to leave the house or to do anything this probably goes a lot deeper in to my past but don’t want talk about it to any one not even my girlfriend who has been there for me throw everything and I’m letting her down don’t know what to do

  • Ellie May 15, 2017, 8:38 am

    I had post partum depression. I believe I am better now. But every now and then, I really can’t stand myself – which makes no sense because I have a lovely life doing rewarding work with a wonderful family. I have accomplished lots and have a promising career ahead of me. It’s not quite walking depression – I do laugh, and I still enjoy many things. It’s like a ghost that creeps out of the closet every now and then and interrupts my productivity or my happiness. Is there a word for this? Can you both be happy and hate yourself, even while recognizing your own intelligence and contribution to society? Does it go away?

  • shiela July 4, 2017, 10:31 am

    i want to be a part of it, but depression is the worst motivator. i am on disability so funds are limited but i can travel to meet with someone, or up to 6 others. i live in Brampton. is there anyone nearby that would like to do something for an or so in morning, noon or night, i am hear, waiting to be included in the fun.

  • Richard July 9, 2017, 9:03 am

    I see so many so alone among so many… if not so sad it would be ironic.

    I’m a man of 60 retired from law enforcement which was a very rewarding career experience for me … I retired at 49 young with money and blew it all away on booze and gambling… Strange thing that it’s not that I wasted a golden ticket at 49 that causes me pain, it’s lack of day to day purpose.

    I now find myself in the statistical demographic of men around my age that are increasingly becoming self destructive/suicidal and I can see why. Everything
    is falling down around me, lost is the strong super hero attitude that elevated me before.

    Now I get tied up inside just thinking about having people rely on me for anything. I don’t trust myself to maintain my “normal person” appearance and my composure is always being maintained by a volcano of emotional agitation… hence I avoid contacts and commitment, making excuses and out right lying to avoid placing myself in situations where I might have to maintain my composure.

    I won’t give up. I’m so mad at myself for not being able to get out of this rut ill keep trying to break barriers if only to spit in the eye of whatever the hell is denying me MY life…

  • Bridie August 7, 2017, 5:09 am

    I have no self esteem and can barely leave the house. I’m 31 with no career and no prospects. I’m single and time is getting on. Suicide at this point seems like the only option I knownits selfish but I’m at a loss how to make this stop. I’ve tried therapy and every medication under the sun I’ve done exercise and meditation nothing helps. Is it wrong to think some people just aren’t equipped to make the distance ? I just have bad genes and that can’t be helped so am I wrong in making the plunge to kill myself?

  • Fullfigmaam@hotmail.com September 18, 2017, 12:03 am

    How to get to the other side of this misery, when you can envision up to walking depression?

  • caleb fairchild July 4, 2018, 1:33 am

    I’m a working Illustrator.. and the walking depression you mentioned strikes home. I find no joy in anything not art not games or movies and feel like I can’t find any joy. I’m jealous of happy people. I try hard to not be like this but I’m just happy and unfulfilled even though I create art everyday. Thanks for this

  • faith September 12, 2018, 10:01 pm

    I think I’m depressed because I don’t smile or do any thing I just sit and I don’t know I just don”t want to be depressed or if I’m depressed I just don’t want to do anything stupid you know .

  • faith September 12, 2018, 10:07 pm

    And I’m 10 and so like I’m scared of like dieing of suicide.

  • Keypadafhz March 27, 2019, 8:42 am

    ???????,??????????! .

  • Feedervmr March 27, 2019, 6:10 pm

    ???????,??????????! .

  • Madison May 5, 2019, 7:33 pm

    I’m 14 I’m in school I no longer smile I don’t feel happy like I used to idk how to tell my mom I feel this way

  • Tammy June 15, 2019, 6:41 pm

    I wish I could cut back on my shift work. Sometimes I don’t know if i can keep going. My family needs the income and benefits. I know that if i cut back, I would be able to start recovering from this crushing depression. But then we wouldn’t have enough to eat.

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